Some Thoughts on Healing

Midlife is arguably a great time to get down to the messy business of healing. But what does that even mean? The word healing is omnipresent right now. And while this is a good thing if, like with the meteoric rise in the language around mental health, it raises awareness and opens much needed conversation. People can only be liberated when they are given permission to talk about the things that affect them without fear of breaking taboo or being ridiculed.

However, as with many trendy ideas bombarding us, there can be a lot of encouragement and not much context. Maybe you’ve never even considered that you have anything that needs healing but boy, once the Instagram brigade has got to you, you’ll be certain that you’re absolutely f**cked. (It’s worth remembering that much of the wonderful DIY inspiration that you see on social media is not actually coming from certified sources. It may be that you need to enlist the support of a trained therapist if you are serious about facing your demons.)

Anyway, for what it’s worth, here is my understanding of healing and why it is so important.

The older I have got, the more and more disinclined I have become to haul around weighty baggage. It is liberating to release yourself from stuff: belongings, clutter, things you have outgrown. But this can also extend to emotional baggage too. Midlife can be a fantastic time to assess the stories and beliefs which you clutch tightly to your heart but which, on closer inspection, are actually not your own, were never yours, were just loaned to you by someone else.

For me healing means looking deeply into these beliefs and stories and actively rejecting those that do not fit. Maybe they never did. Maybe I’ve outgrown them. Maybe I’ve simply changed my mind. Weeding out the limiting beliefs and challenging the unreliable narrator can be hard work. These narratives have served a purpose throughout your adult life. They are a comfort blanket which can be difficult to shed. But opening your eyes and awakening yourself to a life of your choosing will only ever end up being liberating and empowering. Imagine being able to rid yourself of all those ideas you hold about the things you can and cannot do? Imagine seeing your world with fresh eyes and a clear mind, full of possibility and potential. Imagine walking into your most authentic self, armed with new-found self-awareness, power and confidence.

We need an army of awakened women like this.

How you start this work is for you to explore.

It may look like mothering yourself in a way that you longed to be mothered but never were.

It can look like tenderly tending to your old wounds.

It could look like forgiving yourself and others for past mistakes.

It may look like a rejection of a lifestyle, world view or beliefs.

It may look like deep embodiment, movement and physical touch.

It may look like letting your inner child come out to play.

But in every way it will involve scooping yourself up with open arms and extending compassion, love and understanding to yourself as you dismantle something old and begin the exciting adventure of building something new. Something that fits you and your experience. Something boldly owned and proudly expressed. Something yours and yours alone.

Maybe part of the healing process will involve spending time with your small-child self. This is a really powerful thing to do. Recently, I heard a therapist suggest this as an exercise. Imagine walking to the door of your childhood bedroom and seeing your child-self sitting on the bed. In your mind you will go in and sit beside them. Take a deep breath and take it from there. Maybe you turn to look deeply into the small child eyes. What do you see there? What kind of longing? Maybe you ask yourself what you need right now. What is scaring you and keeping you awake in the night. What are you looking forward to. What are your boldest dreams. Maybe you need to reassure your child about how much they are loved. About their bright future. About their worth and strength. Maybe they need holding and rocking. Maybe they need you to keep whispering, I love you, I’ve got your back, you are perfect exactly as you are.

Doing this exercise is wild. It’s not for the faint hearted. And, it’s only one idea. How you delve into the packing boxes inside and begin the process of sifting is entirely up to you. If you have suffered childhood abuse or trauma, please make sure you get professional guidance. But, if you’re curious about liberating yourself from some of the weighty burden of acquired stories then give it a go. Clear the cache of your soul. Empty the trash of your mind. Start afresh armed with your own ideas, your own beliefs, your own story.

Go wild my dear. And live out the next phase of your life liberated and free.